Maybe Very Happy

A message from Patty:

A first mix, usually uncertain, usually not-so-smooth to the ears, but full of thought and heart. Just like first love. Just like growing up. Here’s a compilation of songs that I’ve gathered these past few years, from friends and from unexpected places. I can be hopeful, happy, heart breaking; make it whatever you wish. The sounds are here to be with you, love it and hate it. Make it make you feel something, think something, appreciate something or remember something.

They’re some of my favourite songs, and some new loves. Some that make my heart hurt, and some that make me wish I could sing like them. Some that give praise to my Best Friend, Jesus, and some that just have funky beats.

I hope you enjoy this :)

You are loved.

<3

1. The Cruel One by Gold Motel
2. The Day I Lost My Voice (The Suitcase Song) by Copeland
3. Rocketeer (Cover) by Clara C
4. Eileen by The Hush Sound
5. Sunrise, Sunset (Telecom Commercial NZ) by Chelsea Jade
6. Cosmic Love by Florence & The Machine
7. The Light by Sara Bareilles
8. Someone Like You (Live Acoustic) by Adele
9. Clocks by VersaEmerge
10. I’ll Run (Strings Version) by The Cab
11. I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp
12. Times by Tenth Avenue North
13. He Heals Me by India Arie
14. Moanin’ by Casey Abrams & Haley Reinhart
15. Just For Now (Live) by Imogen Heap

Download .zip here.

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Patty is a recent friend of mine, found on the Internet through mutual friends. She takes wonderful photographs (check out her LomoHome here), is always hopeful and encouraging, and is a beautiful sister in Christ. She is based in New Zealand, currently, but I hope to get to meet her one day.

It’s been a bit quiet on this front, but here’s a long overdue update! My good friend, Jamie (also known as Mai), drew this super cute girl, and wrote along with it: a top ten list of things that are sure to make her happy. Not gonna lie, some of these things make me really happy, too. For cheeky drawings of cute girls in cute clothes, trot on over to Je m’appelle Jamie. Sometimes, there are puppies, too.

As for my own list, here is a list of ten things that have been making me happy the past few weeks:

01. Traveling with friends.
02. Talking to strangers.
03. Quiet nights & lovely conversations.
04. Long drives & good music.
05. Things that glow.
06. Thai iced tea.
07. Undeserved generosity.
08. Doctor Who, and Parks & Recreation, and (good) television, basically.
09. My family.
10. Finding things.

Would love to see your lists in the comments! I believe in looking at the good things in life, instead of the bad (even though it doesn’t seem like it, sometimes), and listing things down helps heaps. And that sharing is caring and so on and so forth.

I’ve been thinking up a big surprise for this place, so stay tuned! Watch out for the next post, too. It’s going to be musical, put together by one of the most amazing people I have never met.

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I’ve converted the super-cute illustration into a wallpaper. It’s 1280 x 800, so let me know if you need it in a different size, and I’ll see what I can do for you!

Click for the actual size, then right-click and save.

I know a thing or two about loneliness. Honestly, I don’t think I’m emo, but yes I’m a bit of a sap. I do find myself in moments wherein I can’t figure out where all the emotions are coming from. But I think the worst was a few months ago when I was abroad, by myself, surrounded by foreigners and strangers, and I was seated in front of my laptop on Christmas Eve.

I was dealing with the kind of loneliness that no one could fix. It was all me and I was longing for a lot of things that were out of my reach. The bad part about it was that I released the frustration the wrong way, putting the burden on other people just so I could lighten my pile of drama. This eventually backfired (or so I thought) when someone I thought I loved left me via Yahoo Messenger. My roommate was in the room when she saw me turn into a sobbing mess and she immediately went to give me the warmest hug I could ever ask for at that moment.

It’s amazing how things work because this gave way to an enlightening week for me. I realized how stupid it was of me to have spent weeks and weeks ranting and being so fucking emo in my room that I had forgotten about the fact that I was in fucking Los Angeles. I was there to learn. And the lesson I learned that week transformed me and the way I looked at the things forever. Not even exaggerating.

What helped me through many lonely nights. Haha

Girls I will love forever.

That was when I learned to open myself up to strangers who eventually turned into some of the most important people in my life. My friends who came from different parts of the world helped me realize how incredibly lucky I was to be there and be with all of them. Now I’m faced with a different kind of loneliness, one that’s not so bad once I open my Skype and talk to them as if we were only a building apart just like old times—the incredible sadness of missing people you love. What I’m really, really happy about, though, is the fact that I know for sure that I will be seeing them all again soon, and that in almost every part of the world, there’s someone there whom I could call a friend.

That’s more than enough to be extremely happy and thankful about.

Me, on New Year’s!

———
Zet is one of my favorite people. She went to school in Los Angeles for a few months to study film making, but she’s also a talented writer and photographer. In many ways, I really look up to her.

1. Another Sunny Afternoon by Nickel Eye
2. The Battle of Brixton by One Million Houses
3. Fast Jabroni by Surfer Blood
4. The Monster’s Loose by Polaris
5. These Fangs by Say Hi To Your Mom
6. Youth by Beach Fossils
7. Over and Over Again (Lost & Found) by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
8. Someday by The Strokes (Peel Session)
9. Mirrors by Crocodiles
10. Blue Turning Gray by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
11. Kindling by Architecture in Helsinki
12. The Boy With The Arab Strap by Belle & Sebastian
13. Shut Your Eyes by Shout Out Louds
14. Fitz & The Dizzyspells by Andrew Bird
15. Jenny by I’m From Barcelona

Download .zip here.
Download .m3u file here. (Right-click & Save As.)

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Sarie is really anal about song order, so if you don’t listen to this mix in the intended way, there will be blood is a slight possibility that whatever magic juju it has will not work. Here’s a nifty tutorial to make sure that that doesn’t happen.

And now, you know. If that doesn’t work, there is a .png inside the .zip file which tells you the correct order. Sarie also has a YouTube account, but I don’t think she will appreciate me linking it here.

(http://www.theonlymagicleftisart.com/)

I Called This Stupid Number To Pretend It’s You (One Hello World x Bones Like Snowflakes) by Bones Like Snowflakes

So, I actually called in two weeks ago, sobbing and in tears, and pretending to send a message to someone who I’m still in love with… And, although I’m still hurting, I want to send a message not to him, but to other people out there who are heartbroken, who are in pain, and experiencing heartache: it’s gonna be okay.

A few weeks ago, my friend Marb told me about this interesting little project called One Hello World, where a guy takes voice mails from strangers and sets them to music that he makes himself. The idea is simple enough: “Call Me—And I’ll Write You A Soundtrack” but the outcome is such an emotionally intense experience. (The track above is a collaboration he did with the project, using one of the songs. Here’s a link to the original track.)

I’ve been listening to a bunch of these the whole morning, and it’s taken me through a whole series of emotions. It’s a fantastic concept, in itself, but what really caught my attention is the openness of these strangers. These confessions are not sticky-sweet, and I appreciate so much that these people don’t turn their face away from what is ugly. I think that a lot of people have closed themselves off to the world and don’t really confront their feelings anymore, for whatever reason. I think that the fact that people are opting to call a stranger and bare their souls is an indication of that.

But, hearing these voicemails, these songs, makes me so happy that they exist. I’ve heard about death, heartbreak, fatherhood, the kindness of strangers, peace, the relentless persistence of the human spirit, squirreling away saved-up happiness for the future, and how, despite all the brokenness and the pain, people still find a way to keep on going. I love that there is no judgment from these callers, that people have found a way to be respectful and decent to one another, even if only in that little pocket on the Internet, that little corner of the world.

How wonderful, too, that someone’s music became something that bound them all together. It has to be said: the guy behind this project makes such beautiful music, and everything about it just makes me so glad.

Here’s one, I think, on someone being maybe very happy:

So, whether I’m playing computer games, drinking with friends, or out on the lake with my family, or just watching the Food Network with my boyfriend on the couch, I’m happy, because I can’t think of any real, serious reasons why I should be sad. And for all the tragedy, death, destruction, and chaos in the world, I really think there’s twice as much beauty, organization, art, and… smiles. You just have to let yourself notice it.

Some people say that I’m too optimistic, and that it’s bad for me. That it’s not healthy. But I think that they should just cheer up.

———
Follow One Hello World on Tumblr. This one, You’re Still My Favorite Color, is one of my favorites. And a tender one, I’m Going To Be A Dad has me in tears all the time.

Find more of Marb’s music here. His band released an EP a couple of months ago, and he uploaded a new solo track a few days ago. Both are available for download.

carina’s got me thinking about happiness and the concept of it. she has this great new blog that’s insightfully joy-centered and has asked me to write something. a “happy entry” she called it. i’ve just had an unrelenting month of february and am, in what is shaping out to be a merciless march, the reasons of which are varied and plentiful, yet can be summed up in four words – life is shit sometimes.

but perhaps this is what i need to get myself up and at ‘em again. not that i’m down and out. i don’t think anyone is ever down and out, have you seen what human will can accomplish? it’s magnificent.

i only say this because i know this voluminous world of sadness.

i think i was a terribly sad child. growing up, i hate to think about the past you see, but growing up was difficult. i know everyone’s coming of age poses a certain degree of suffering and pain, it’s all part of it. but i suppose our own hurts, above all, remain clear as day.

it took some time wrestling with myself and recognizing the best way to overhaul what was bleak into something hopeful. sometimes hope is the most dreadful thing, but then there is courage and resilience and love. it’s shit-your-pants-scary, sure, to take on the world on your own especially at a time when you can’t feel more lost. and it’s probably the hardest thing in the world to do, to uproot and to change and to grow and to face that.

to be happy, you need to fucking work for it.

but in the end, you come out in one piece, really. couple of bumps and scratches, maybe a battle scar but nothing bad at all.

so about this voluminous world of sadness. celebrate it.

celebrate when your keys get lost, when the laundry place is closed and you don’t have anymore clean underwear, when food goes bad in the kitchen, when you’re stuck in the rain walking home, when your car dies down on you, when you’ve had another ballistic argument with your mother, when you don’t feel like you measure up to whoever’s standards, when your lover and yourself hurt so much that you can’t breathe, when the world feels like it’s crushing your shoulders.

and when i say celebrate, don’t bust out the confetti, although the wine might be apt.

when i say celebrate, i mean cry, fight, shout, wallow, curse, throw things, freak out, sleep all day. feel it, be sad.

it’s okay to hurt. i think everyone would much rather see something broken and honest, rather than saccharine, shiny and plastic. besides, everybody sees through that facade anyway. all these heavy, ugly things—we only feel it because we’ve come from something lighter, something happy. it’s impossible to be happy all the time, but it doesn’t change the fact that our lives are spectacular.

after it all (because there is an ‘after’ and there is healing) go back to what is good. emotions are naturally temporary. for them to be permanent is unnatural and unhealthy. too much negativity, it poisons you. too much positivity, that’s just delusional.

my cousin told me one afternoon, close to when i was about to give my john hancock to become a mrs. and was feeling direly less than stellar about my relationship with my mother, that whatever is lacking in your life, is made up for it by something else. you just have to sift and discern it yourself.

so i suppose this is all about the balance and the dance of happy and sad. but too much stigma on sad, i reckon and i guess this is why i am writing this.

today is tuesday afternoon and while i feel lousy and all i want to do is watch a slew of b movies and cartoons and eat special k out of the box, i am about to force myself out of the flat for a work meeting, pop by the shop to pick up some ingredients for a dinner party tonight and shake this funk off. it’s one of those hazy bugs where i can’t really pinpoint the reason why. i could be just tired, really, not getting enough sleep. or i may just be dreading the end of winter. spring is doable but summer in hong kong is insufferable!

but back to point. there is a momentum in happiness that perhaps bad days are good days and quite cheekily, vice versa. after the hullabaloo settles the fuck down, you maybe just be, very happy, right?

———
Zoe is one of my favorite people. Here is something I asked her to write—because I always intended this project to be centered on a collection of ideas on happiness, rather than my own, flawed perspective—and I suppose through this you can see why I love her a lot. And why this friendship works, despite distance or its unconventionality. She has pulled me through a lot of shit in my life, in the short time that I’ve known her.

Follow Zoe on Twitter and on Tumblr.

My dad bought me a set of wood carving knives, because I expressed the interest in making prints (I have a rubber mat, not lino or wood yet) and I thought I’d try it out on some wood blocks I had on hand. That didn’t go down very well. I didn’t really feel like reading up on the process, so I obviously just kind of… went for it. And this is what happened! I had a few accidental self-amputation scares, but I’m mostly fine.

This was reminiscent of something I drew/made a few months (maybe a year?) ago. I still find it to be a very good reminder for when certain things seem so far away:

Maybe it’ll be of help to some of you, too.

Being a part of something you can’t quite explain, creating history just by loving something, remembering things without regret, putting meaning into things, having a good time with strangers who, at that particular moment, you think you might love just because of something you are sharing together.

I won’t be seeing Sugarfree play their last show tonight, and I didn’t even really catch their full set the last time I saw them. But I think I’ve outgrown them, at some indistinct time in my life, so I’m not so heartbroken about it. I think I love them because they meant so much to me. This song just holds such a large collective memory from so many people I know, from so many different places, and for so many different reasons.

Back when I cared about Glee, Rachel said something that I’ve always found to be true: “Being a part of something special makes you special,” and regardless of whatever happens, I like knowing that I’ve unknowingly shared something special with so many people I know, and have yet to get to know.

So, here: Sugarfree’s “Burnout,” drowned in a small crowd of Atenean seniors, my monotone, and lots and lots of bokeh.

Plus, the pathetic Meiday 2011 video I took, that missed most of the performance. Posting for the sake of posting:

Goodbye, Sugarfree. Thank you for everything.

Piglet: “You can’t stay in your corner of the forest, waiting for others to come to you; you have to go to them sometimes.”

Dear Stranger:

This is something I have been thinking about doing for the longest time, but never really had the chance to really sit down and start doing. Maybe it’s a lack of motivation or just plain old laziness, but recent events have sparked in me a need, a compulsion, a desire to put this up as soon as possible.

I don’t really, truthfully, have a solid idea for this Project. What I have been learning, though, is that while there are things in the world to be sad about, there are also things that are perfect. That life might not be as bad as one might think.

This might be a personal journey—a documentation of how I try to overcome this part of myself that I call a deeply sad person—but I was thinking maybe it could be a journey that you could take with me. Whoever you might be.

Still very much a work in progress, but I’m feeling quite excited.

And, the poem that gave me that real push to go and do this, finally:

Maybe Very Happy
Jack Gilbert

After she died he was seized
by a great curiosity about what
it was like for her. Not that he
doubted how much she loved him.
But he knew there must have been
some things she had not liked.
So he went to her closest friend
and asked what she complained of.
“It’s all right,” he had to keep
saying, “I really won’t mind.”
Until the friend finally gave in.
“She said sometimes you made a noise
drinking your tea if it was very hot.”

Sincerely,
Carina